Monthly Archives: January 2011

You’re Nobody ‘Til Somebunny Loves You. But Even Then, You’re Probably Not Rihanna (You Know This)

About a month ago, I was utterly plagued by a question that I think is pretty common among women my age: how, exactly, do I get my gentleman callers to love me like I’m a hot guy? Putting the extreme fag-hagness of this ponderance, and of my life, aside, I made an important life decision to immediately cut, style, and dye my hair so I would look like Rihanna:

Then I would curl it and wear a tiered dress,

and my general quality of life would improve, right? Right? Well, not exactly. I know, I was as baffled my this misequation as you are, but despite my best efforts, the simple act of nearly shaving the sides of my head and dying my hair black was NOT enough to make me look like Rihanna:

I mean, ALMOST:

but not quite.

So WTF? How could this (not) happen? Is it because she looks like a My Little Pony,

and I more closely resemble a bunny?

Is that why? Can someone help me solve this mystery? In the meantime, I turban on.

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