Monthly Archives: July 2010

Oh man. First of all, I love cliches and I’ve been waiting my whole life to use that one. MY WHOLE LIFE. So thanks for experiencing this moment with me. It’s really special.

Basically, I know it’s time for a drastic hair change when a) Montreal gets so hot that I actually develop anemia (note to Montreal, it’s called air conditioning, and they don’t have it in France because it’s generally temperate there. P.S. – You are not France. P.P.S. – I love you, let’s not fight.) and 2) I start doing this mormon-y bangs/bump/braid get-up that very closely resembles Adaleen Grant, Mary Kay Place’s character from Big Love

Check it:

Clearly this is weird and unacceptable. So what do I do? Naturally, I channel the endlessly lovely Michelle Williams

and the infinitely awesome Demi Moore a la Ghost

I kiss phantom Patrick Swayze, for luck

and presto chango alakazam:

It may look like a haircut, but it’s really more like magic (note how the computer on the table turned into a cat. This is a common side effect of the trick).

It all reminds me of that old saying “you can’t take the rusty penis when you leave, but you can always take the diplomat.”

Of all the years that make up the history of history, I’d have to put 1789 near the top of my faves list. Well I wouldn’t be forced to or anything…I would do it of my own free will. Why? What happened in 1789? Ummm, only the best French revolution ever. I’ll never be entirely sure why I am so obsessed by this particular historical event. Maybe it’s the really, really rich people being guillotined. Maybe it’s the equal-opportunity guillotining that followed (equality rocks!). Maybe it’s the lovely lady who welcomes the tired, poor, huddled masses as a constant reminder that there was a single moment in history when France was like “hey US, thanks for being awesome and inspiring us to have a revolution.” Or maybe it’s just that handsome devil,

Maximilien Robespierre. I mean, you’ve got to admit, for a bat-shit crazy fucker, the guy was sort of a fox. You know, before he got shot in the face over that little festival-of-the-supreme-being-walking-down-a-man-made-mountain- dressed-in-all-white-like-he’s-the-second-coming-of-freakin-MOSES incident. Seriously, the French can be so UPPITY sometimes.

Although I do also find his Jacobian successor Georges Jacques Danton sort of sexy too, in a Daniel Craig sort of way…

Anyway, last time I checked this site was supposed to be about style, not the possible do-ability of 18th-century French revolutionaries. But let me know what you think, some people might actually like this approach better.

I digress. I realized recently (and yes, it always takes me an unusually long time to make connections like this) that because of my affinity for this event, I’ve always been especially attracted to garments with a toile de jouy print. You know those cute little French country scenes? Well they originated around the same time as my favorite revolution…probably just before, because whoever designed the pattern was most likely guillotined during the reign of terror for being complicit in Marie-Antoinette’s blind dedication to fashion (seriously bitch, you should have sent some of that brioche out to those starving peasants. Sweet wig though).

Like I said, it’s always a joy to find something in this pattern, especially since it’s usually only used on curtains and teacups…both of which are generally unwearable. Here is what I’ve been able to get my hands on over the years:

#1 The Shirt:

#2 The Dress:

#3 The Jumper:

(recognize that jacket? Yeah, you do. It’s the best!)

Also awesome? These Tom of Finland sheets from the 2006 Dirty Linens Collection:

Gaylorious revolution.

The best thing about being an ex-pat on the 4th of July? Even though Canadians generally forgo spending massive sums on firework/parade celebrations – opting instead for a more consistent, less bi-polar day-to-day quality of life – since it’s not a national holiday up here, I get to wear over-the-top, Americana-inspired outfits without looking like a total patriotic weirdo. I do this at home too, but here it’s a little less ridiculous. And those rare occasions when I get to be a little less ridiculous are always refreshing.

#1 – The American Airlines stewardess (inspired by KG…who’s not a stewardess. Still, it’s a sweet title, and I stand by it):

#2 – The French American (stripes sans stars):

aaaaand #3 – Daisy Duke goes to the office (featuring Mexican Lucy on the left, and sad Liza Liza on the right, freshly abortioned):

So while y’all enjoyed fireworks, BBQs, and strawberry-blueberry shortcake, I had my own fun with the red, white, and blue. Land that I love…one day we’ll be stressfully and spectacularly together again.