Happy aggressive jewelry day!
Category Archives: Style
I haven’t posted anything recently because my guy friend who’s good at computers is helping me reformat my blog.
Just kidding, I’ve just been so busy learning about life. About me.
Actually I’ve just been lazy. But this is great.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. I don’t remember much about her, but she lived far away in a snowy northern land, bordered by a river of tears to the south, and a river of Troika to the east. Much love was gained, and much love was lost, and for the better part of two years, she locked herself in a princess tower, and read stories about heroes.
She read about all kinds of heroes. Heroes who flew. Heroes who fought. Heroes who performed great feats of strength. But her favorite stories were about heroes who survived. Heroes who performed the great feat of bearing the weight of their own burdens, and the burdens of others. And her favorite,
A letter between truth and death, he, like so many heroes in so many stories, was written into life and charged to protect, only to end up walking the precariously fine and all too human line between salvation and destruction. Still, she loved him.
Eventually, and reluctantly, the girl came down from her princess tower and joined the real world. She didn’t stop reading about heroes. She even started watching Heroes, confirming that which she had always suspected: Hayden Panettiere is a lovely girl with bizarrely small hands. Really, really tiny hands. Just so small.
Anyway, despite holding out til the end of the night, night after night
the real world failed to produce anyone strong, fast, fresh from the fight, sure, soon, larger than life, and/or adept with a black-light bull whip.
But one day, in crept the sneaking suspicion that she’s got this. That maybe the girl was alright. So she asked someone who loves her very much to help write the word on her, and bring her to life.
So there you have it 2013. Give me truth and justice, or give me death.
Ain’t no party like a four horsemen party cause a four horsemen party don’t…actually ever happen.
And I feel fine. After last week, now this? There’s nothing like the threat of an apocalypse to help you learn the true meaning of Christmas.
First, the preamble: I managed to jam my oversized noggin into this beautiful vintage leopard skull cap, which belonged to my lovely and small-noggined mother back in the good old days (when the Christmas miracles flowed like milk and honey).
One more miracle and this Christmas qualifies for sainthood. Bring it.
No, wait, it’s…whatever. The point is, I’m now out of luck on both accounts. I went to the eye doctor a couple weeks ago and received TRAGIC news: I have some sort of non-pink-eye (or as I have so eloquently been describing it, non-fart-on-your-pillow) conjunctivitis caused by the disgusting pieces of plastic that I’ve been allowing to float around my eyes up to sixteen hours a day for the past thirteen years. Seriously guys, think about contacts. They’re really gross.
Moral of the story, after showing me an appropriately horrifying chart with a picture of what the inside of my eyelids look like now and what could happen if I continue my extended contact wearing ways,
I was told I needed to cut back on my lens time, and I decided to listen. Because sentient, violent, intellectual eye infections are not my bag (looks like we just found rule four, amirite?).
So that’s it. My days of dead-eyeing you from across the room with my enormous icy stare are over, or will at least be more commonly mitigated by a growing collection of over-sized frames. But that’s also exactly what brings me comfort in this trying time. It’s like they always say: when life hands you lemons, arm yourself with an arsenal of glasses that will turn an unfortunate case of conjunctivitis into an opportunity to emulate awesome four-eyed icons. Do NOT squeeze the lemons into your eyes, because that will only make it worse. And most importantly, never, EVER feed them after midnight, because not doing so could have prevented this whole mess in the first place.
Anyway, let’s review. I’ve got my old faithfuls
For that classic, I’m going red light special all through the night writing my thesis/this is the face I make when I wear these glasses and think about that time I wrote that thesis but I might go back to school or something soon and I’m totally not traumatized by the last experience so it’s cool whatever whatever whatever look.
No but seriously, those are great. Still, I decided to move away from that look a bit for NO OTHER REASON than I wanted to look like Cyril Figgis from Archer
Ok maybe something more versatile. Let’s try THE four-eyed icon of all time
I didn’t get it quite right, but I think I did ok
And in no time it’ll be like
and then I’ll have my face back. Actually, the doctor said it might take a while. Until then I’ve got Cyril, Iris, and the ultimate glasses goddess and new We Look Awesome cover girl, Peggy Clare
Gremlins and glasses and grandmas, oh my.