God Attack the Queen! (Send Big Dogs After Her, That Bite Her Bum.)

Oh creamy old England! I must say, I don’t quite share their enthusiasm…though Hugh Laurie can drive his bus down my Garboldisham Lane any day (gross!…but seriously, there’s a lovely village there). I’ve never been much of an anglophile, mostly due to my full-blooded, second-generation, Irish-American father, who throughout my life has thrown me gems like “When I was a kid, I used to march in the St. Patrick’s day holding a sign that said ‘England Free Ireland!'” and, my all-time favorite, “The English are tremendous pricks” (best Thanksgiving convo EVER).

Still, in light of working for an English company, and in an effort to subvert the bottomless mire of eternal negativity that is, unfortunately, my natural disposition, I’m trying to be more Brit-positive (and just more positive in general, HENCE THE DELIGHTFUL BLOG DUH). SO, since I haven’t made a list in quite a while (holy coincidence Batman! That list is American themed!), I’ve compiled my top five favorite awesome-looking English things.

#5 – Eddie Izzard.

Need I say more? He’s funny, he’s sexy, and you can borrow his tuxedo jackets and high-heel boots. Also, in real life he wears glasses, which means you can trust him.

#4 – Fish & Chips

Ok, so you can’t exactly wear it (or can you? Seriously Hugh Laurie, let’s do this), but awesome nonetheless. Besides, I enjoy how the vaguely handsome Englishmen at A Salt & Battery nostalgically flirt with me, as they recognize a pretty girl desperately trying to control the bad teeth and skin she inherited from her British Isle ancestors, and it makes them long for home.

#3 – The Mod Movement

I almost chose Teddy Boys, but I thought that movement wasn’t specific enough to England (despite the Edwardian twist, they’re too similar to American Greasers). Besides, the best part of the Teddy Boy-ish style were Widgies,

an Australian/Kiwi phenomenon.

I digress, comme d’habitude. I’m distressed. I feel oppressed. I’ve become depressed. Kidding, I’m doing it again! Anyway, despite the fact that everyone looks hungry all the time, the mod movement remains one of my biggest style influences. I’d like to travel back to 1960’s London and feed everyone deep-fried turkeys and ham sandwiches while looking awesome, a la Mama Cass.

#2 – This Commercial (note the references to Widgies AND Mods, though oddly not in that order)

In honor of a new shopping center in East London, some sexy ad men (I naturally assume that all ad men are sexy…Don Draper, Spider Cahoots, etc. And that they’re all men, because I’m ragingly sexist) made this RIDICULOUS commercial, which I cannot stop watching. It combines two of my very favorite things: dance and historical fashion.

#1 – Lauralou

Best thing to hit London since…reverse pilgrams? I don’t know, ever. If I’m not mistaken, the story goes something like this: Lauralou’s ancestor’s emigrate from England to the US during early colonization. When the colonists rebel, they flee to Canada, since they are strict loyalists and Canada is still under unwavering British rule. (What I’ve learned about Canadian history: X arrives on Canadian shores; current Canadian settlers capitulate without a fight; offer them polite tea and resentment; Canada is eventually offered independence from UK on moving day; Quebec is denied independence from greater Canada but granted the right to hold infinite parades and rallies; the Queen continues to hang out there on holiday, Kate Middleton wears awesome dresses.) One hundred and forty-four and a half years later Lauralou moves back to England and TAKES THE PUBLISHING WORLD BY STORM!!!!! I love her.

Strawberries and England y’all.


Filed under Awesomeness, Fashion, Pop culture, Style

3 responses to “God Attack the Queen! (Send Big Dogs After Her, That Bite Her Bum.)

  1. Juliana :)

    Yay! This was hilarious!

    I was referred to your blog by the Great Lauralou, and I was not disappointed. I laughed, I sneezed (I have allergies), I smiled… all the things I should do when I read blogs.

    So thank you, and I’d like to steal some of your awesome writing style. Please send some Canada-wardly, via Harry Potter Owl. Thank you!

    (p.s. Hi Laura, if you’re reading this! You look great with a mustache!)

  2. Hey thanks guys!

    Merrill, I love you. I realize I’m not blameless here. Please come back. Please.

    Juliana, please steal away! Imitation is the greatest flattery.

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